Possession

Song:  Possession by Sarah McLachlan        Fic:  by Animegeik

Edward Elric gazed out of the train window at the horizon rushing by.  The sun was setting, spilling golden light across the hills and valleys in the distance.  He reached down and pulled out his silver military issued pocket watch.  He’d be in the station at Central soon.  As he carefully placed the watch back into his black, leather, pants pocket, his mind raced back to Maes Hughes.  It would be so strange, he thought, to be back at headquarters with no one there to shove pictures of their daughter in his face.  A life extinguished, just as it had really started to live. Sighing, a vision of Roy Mustang, with his black hair and enigmatic dark eyes, filled his memories. And what of Roy, he thought?  His deepest concern lay with the superior officer who’d held his imagination captive over these last few years.  The man who he’d spent so much of his time holding, kissing, caressing, if only in his daydreams, especially on long train rides such as this.

xxx

Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied?

Ed climbed out of the taxi at the cemetery.  The night had fallen and the wind had picked up.  A chill breeze licked at his cheeks, causing him to cough a little into his raised metal hand.  He’d leave his flesh hand in his pocket.  It was too cold to pull it out.  He heard the wind howling its whispers in the branches of the trees overhead as it tried to pry the very leaves away.  His red coat billowed out behind him while he walked the short distance to the gravestone where his friend’s name had been forever etched.

As he strode up the hill, a dark figure came into view.  Ed scanned the details - blue military uniform, black hair.  His heart stopped in his chest when he realized it was Roy, the object of so many late-night fantasies.  The sensation invading him was not so much unlike pain.  It did hurt.  But there was something more to it, a pulling as if his heart was attached to some invisible string, leading him towards something he knew was impossible.  “Oh, how I love you,” he whispered, continuing more slowly now towards his destination.

His memories rushed back to the last time he’d seen his Colonel.  They’d been arguing about something in Roy’s office, so typical.  Ed had decided long ago to hide his true feelings with anger and a deceitful hatred.  But where had it gotten him, he pondered?  Lonely nights and even lonelier days, always spent traveling, always far away from what mattered most to him.  Just distractions to keep him from upsetting the delicate balance between what he desired and what he would never have.

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Ed stopped just short of Roy’s hunched body.  He waited patiently for Roy to notice his presence, not wanting to disturb him.  After all, Maes had been closest to Roy, the best of friends.  While he waited, his eyes drank in the stunning details of the man he craved.  He started to imagine a different scenario, one in which he’d come here with Roy, a fantasy where he held his lover tight and kissed him with all the passion his heart held.  Ed closed his eyes, almost tasting Roy’s soft skin, feeling his arms around him, and smelling his cologne.  But the wind was the only lover embracing him tonight.

He heard a sound carried on the air current when it suddenly shifted.  Was it? he wondered, his anxiousness rising.  He heard it again, more clearly.  Yes it was.  He shifted awkwardly from one booted foot to the next, uncertain now if he should make his presence known or remain invisible.  The sob that had escaped Roy was barely audible, but it had been there.  Ed imagined himself coming up behind the grieving man, holding him, kissing him; wiping his tears away.  As Edward gazed back up at Roy, the vision vanished, replaced by insecurity and fear.

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhyme
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,

Why did it have to be this way?  His heart ached.  How much more would he have to endure?  So much of his life had been wasted making up for the disasters he’d caused.  All he ever wanted was to find the truth, to right the wrongs.  In his search, the truth taunted him, kept him busy through this bitter solitude.  But all he’d ever found was broken promises.  Equivalent exchange, was it really just a myth?  He’d lost so much in his short life and now here was something else, taunting him, teasing him relentlessly.  How easy it would be to just take those last steps and wrap his arms around the one he yearned for. To provide exactly what Roy needed.  But he couldn’t, he knew if he did what his heart and body ached for, whatever did exist between him and the object of his obsession would be lost, gone forever.

Without thinking, Ed took a step forward.  A branch cracked underneath his foot.  Ed gasped, his eyes darted up to Roy’s face.  He watched the elder man turn around and look directly at him for the first time that evening.

Roy's longish, black bangs whipped around his forehead in the wind and the tears on his cheeks glistened briefly before he rushed to wipe them away.

“Fullmetal, wh-what are you doing here?”  His voice wavered at first.

“I well, uh, I heard and I wanted to come see . . . ”  He saw the agony on Roy’s face.

“Oh.  Uh, well come up here then.”  Roy motioned for Ed to move forward and stand next to him at the tombstone.

Ed took a position directly next to the man he adored.  His breathing quickened.  He could almost feel the heat radiating off Roy.  They were quiet for a moment, two statues standing guard.  “So, how are you then?  I mean, I guess you can’t be that good but . . . ”

Roy turned to face Ed and held out a hand to gently squeeze his arm.  “I’m, better.”  His voice was soft.

Ed was confused and flustered.  What did he mean by that?  Obviously, Roy had no idea how the chaste touch ignited his senses and fed his desire.  Ed’s eyes momentarily lost focus while he struggled to keep from reaching out to crush Roy in a torrid embrace.  His eyes rested squarely on Roy’s full lips, waiting captivated, for them to open once more, to explain the comment and the brief connection.

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Instead, all Ed received was silence.  He watched a sad smile spread across the lips he longed to feel pressed to his own.  When Roy turned back to face the gravestone, he shifted his gaze back to it as well and closed his eyes once more.  He imagined himself pushing Roy into the memorial, pinning the larger man against it so he couldn’t escape.  He’d kiss him so hard, neither would be able to breath, he mused.  Heat radiated from Ed’s groin while his fantasy turned sordid, imagining his hands roaming, pulling up Roy’s shirt, filling his palm and fingers with soft pale skin.  Ed let a soft moan escape and quickly opened his eyes, embarrassed at his loss of composure.

He glanced at Roy to be sure he hadn’t perceived his momentary lack of respect for this place.  He was only a little surprised to see a single tear meander down Roy’s cheek.  The urge to reach up and tenderly wipe the tear away was so strong, Ed leaned forward a bit in anticipation of it.  But fear seized him and dragged him back.

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied

The urge returned, stronger, as another tear made it’s lonely journey down the pale skin Ed had so often dreamt of touching.  He felt a fleeting jealousy.  For a moment he hated that tear.  It blatantly did what he was unable to do.  He smiled internally at his stupidity.  Had it really come to that?  Longing to be a tear on the man he loved?  He looked off into the night.  The darkness suffocated him, but when he was able to close his eyes and make Roy do exactly what he wanted, it became comforting.  So many mornings he’d lain in bed, way beyond a need for sleep, struggling to bring back the images that had played in his mind before waking.  Images of two bodies entwined in passion.

Ed closed his eyes again.  It was too easy, to just stand here next to the man who haunted him and imagine what he could do if he’d had enough conviction.  If he wasn’t so terrified.

Roy turned back to Ed, distraught, wanting so badly to just talk about how he was feeling.  Everyone back at Central had been treating him like a leper, afraid to say or do the wrong thing.  But somehow, he thought maybe Ed, with all his own losses, would understand.  Roy didn’t believe in coincidences.  He believed everything happened for a reason.  It was no coincidence Ed was here when he needed so desperately, someone to talk to.  He didn’t see that his eyes were closed.  He just tried to reach out.

Ed felt Roy’s hands grasp his arms, just above the wrists.  He reacted impulsively, instinctively.

“Ed."

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Ed heard the man he loved say his name in the gentle voice he so often imagined just before he drifted off to sleep.

"I—"

Shoving forward and reaching up, Ed broke the hold on his arms, surrounding the neck of the man he loved.  Tugging him downward, he brought the lips close that he’d cherished moments before.  Pressing into them, he felt them crush softly under his own, like petals pressed into a book.  He felt Roy struggle for a moment, trying to escape.  But Ed wouldn’t let him.  He kissed him so hard, he took his breath away.  Ed tightened his grip on the elder man, drawing their bodies together, until any motions ceased, until all that remained was their connection, solid and undefeatable.  He new what he did was wrong, to take his prisoner when he’d been so vulnerable.  But he didn’t care.  There was no remorse.  He finally had what he’d craved so many times.  Just this once, he would have what he needed.

Finally, slowly, Ed loosened his hold on Roy.  The realization of what he’d just done set in and fear threatened him once again.  It wasn’t until his arms became slack that he felt Roy’s arms holding him tight around his waist.  Opening his eyes, he peered into the dark recesses of Roy’s soul.  Could he really believe what he saw there or was it just his imagination playing a cruel joke?

“Ed, I, never knew you . . . I thought you hated me.”  Fresh tears welled in Roy's eyes.

Ed felt his own tears close.  Why did Roy continue to hold him after what he’d done?  Didn’t he know?  Didn’t he realize the agony it was causing him?  Now Ed knew what it was like.  Now he’d have more than just imagined kisses and embraces to think about.  Now he had a memory, a possibility to eat slowly at his heart.  “No, I, I don’t.”  Fear threatened to paralyze him.

“I love you.”  Ed gasped.  To his horror, the words propelled their way out of his mouth before he could stop them.  He’d said them silently so many times before it was only natural to say it now.

He watched Roy’s reaction as his heart beat wildly in his chest.  What had he done?  It was over.  He’d get transferred.  Roy would certainly not want him reporting to him anymore.

Roy's lips found their way back to Ed's.

With eyes fully open, Ed was completely aware this time when Roy’s kiss descended with force upon him.  The embrace tightened and finally comforted him.  He had what he’d wanted for so long.

When Roy released him, Ed reached up and tenderly brushed the tears away, his thumbs drawing soft arcs across Roy’s cheeks.  “Just close your eyes.”  He kissed Roy's forehead and wrapped himself around him.

The End